This blog has become my skeleton under the bed. Particularly since the demands on my time have spiked.
Everything even distantly, seems wedding related. Hardly anytime to blog let alone read other blogs. I’d lucky to make one post a week. I’m down to pecking out half baked posts on my ancient Palm pilot at odd moments. As a result there blog posts in the limbo of draft mode. Their words pacing around and around my head like caged cats.
I seem to now do most of my blogging my head. A big chunk of editing gets done while running. At meals I keep my mouth shut and my mind deep in the words of a yet to be written post. Not very mindful at all. Thankfully muteness is a virtue. Though several time people have asked where I mentally “drift” off to.
Haven’t told anyone who know me that I have this blog. Not even fiancee or parents (who wouldn’t know what a blog is anyway). Makes blogging trickier. Minimising the browser window every-time someone comes into the room doesn’t help speed up the post writing process. Thankfully I haven’t had to lie about this – just a bit of occasional evasiveness by changing the subject. The only concession being to admit that I have read other people’s blogs.
Don’t know why I feel I have to hide this. I haven’t said nothing unethical or dishonest. Its not like I’m yammering negatively about people. People write journals etc. and keep them tucked away. I’d like to claim its not an addiction but that would start another futile argument.
Perhaps I’m tired of explaining things. Of my idiosyncrasies. I know I’d be bugged about having to explain my blogging, and the reasons I didn’t make some bloody grand announcement in the first place. Then there’s the realisation that most people around me (who demand my time) would consider this a waste of time and effort. A potential for another front opening up in the war for my time outside work. The biggest argument – of why I should stare at a computer when I do so at work – is a hard one to overcome. Metaphorically seems easier to try and argue with the Russian winter.
This is a rather silly thing to be grumpy about. I should be grateful for not being evicted or shot at or stuck in a refugee camp. The whole eviction stupidity definitely had got me down. Wrote a long gob of verbiage on it on my PDA but decided not to pollute the SLB with it.
High time I made a traditionally whiny post anyway…