Cannibalism – nothing to add to the menu


The “you are what you eat” crowd (you know who you are even if you don’t want to) won’t find any recipes here. Recipe hunters can do their own Googleing. I however will pompously say that I don’t stake my humanity or identity on food preferences. I’m a lacto-ovo vegetarian due to inexplicable reasons – though I say that I don’t like animals avoid long explanations. As a non militant lacto-ovo vegetarian (sorry about the mouthful) I don’t mind that birds, fish and other fellow mammals are industrially bred or captured to be eaten. We humans are after all on the top of the food chain (for now). I happily tuck into my plate of leaves along side friends who have body parts on their plate.

However I am absolutely against cannibalism. Mainly because I don’t want to be eaten. Thankfully most cannibals know that lacto-ovo vegetarians taste awful (the work around about adding more mushrooms is a myth, spices of any kind won’t work and adding extra virgin olive oil only works for vegans).

Some radical vegans might say lacto-ovo vegetarians like me are morally similar to those who never had anything against Jews but still thought that Herr Hitler was a nice chap (and voted for him). Of course no vegan (militant or otherwise) has told me this and I certainly don’t want to stuff words or anything else into other people’s mouths. And while we are on the subject, I’d like to point out that Hitler’s supposed vegetarianism isn’t very clear.

Eating after-all should be voluntary activity – though meat eating involves involuntary participation of the entity being eaten. It is the whole involuntary participation thing that lends the criminal element to Cannibalism (and gets all the attention). Perhaps its the fact that the security of being on top of the food chain is lost when you realise that there is potential for a bit of horizontal movement. The most famous cases of cannibalism (like Jack) tends to be gourmands who claim to like things fresh rather than hovering around the morgue. Even in the rare cases of applied voluntary gastronomic research, the legalistic element gets all the attention.

Other pressing questions we all want to ask (but are shy to) are overshadowed. Like – is the taste similar to pork? “Long pig” is an euphemism used for human meat around the Pacific. I have nothing against pigs btw. They are sweet animals (sweet and sour for you carnies) and can be made even more biologically compatible with humans with a bit of genetic tinkering. For those who do want to get a taste of humanity but worry about the legal fine print, there used to be a tofu substitute which now has some issues of authenticity. Personally I’m not into the whole mock meat thing. If you really like the taste of meat you ought to eat the animal (unless its human of course). Be real (but not too real) as they say (whoever “they” are).

I suppose somewhere in this rant I should give some sort of rational reason for being anti-cannibal. There are definite health reasons for humans NOT to eat other humans (I’m not talking about weight watching here) – like fatal brain disorders. It may have even caused prehistoric disease epidemics. That I think should take care of the rationalism.

Being supposedly open minded, I should make some kind of “exceptional case” clause to my anti-cannibalism. But I’m no law maker and this is a safe topic to be uncompromising. Pushing the whole uncompromising attitude even further, I won’t apologise if I have wrecked your appetite by now. Seriously, the title had the word “Cannibalism” on it. What more warning should folks with delicate appetites need?

Bon Appetite and thank you for reading.

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9 thoughts on “Cannibalism – nothing to add to the menu

  1. No references to these Hollywood food critics ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Thankfully us vegetarians are also highly poisonous (like fugu). The smell when cooked is highly toxic and can kill herds of elephants.

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  2. I don’t think you can cook someone before you can eat them alive, but if that’s your preference, I think we can arrange that….

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  3. i really hate all kinds of meat supplements specially tofu ๐Ÿ˜ฅ i hate it it tastes horrible i would rather cut down eating meat than eating that

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  4. Perhaps voluntary participation of the animal will help quieten the qualms? There was a bit in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where Marvin meets the dish of the day… who recommends a casserole of itself… but I guess that might be a problem when it comes to recommending self to cannibals.

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  5. Angel: I remember a segment like that on the movie as well as the book ๐Ÿ™‚ Think the dish of the day was a pig or cow. Can’t exactly remember which.

    There was a similar thing in a Simpsons episode – part of a “dream” sequence where Homer and Marge are Adam and Eve. There’s a pig with an English accent that follows Homer and offers spare ribs ๐Ÿ˜€

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