Security teams raided residences of 16 pensioners around Colombo to uncover the largest stock of unexplored ordinance ever found. All 16 persons detained in the case are single men between the ages of 83 and 98. They claim to belong to a long forgotten organisation called the All Ceylon Society of Antique Ordinance Collectors.
Authorities are described as being shocked at the scale and variety of the collection. Which ranged from artillery shells used in the Boar War to a warhead from a WW2 era Japanese torpedo. The largest item is a shell from for a BL 5.5 inch 50 calibre Mk I naval gun one the HMS Hermes which sank off Batticaloa in 1942. The total haul recovered amounts to over 2 tones of old munition. Practically all of it still with live fuses and neatly stacked on newspaper lined shelves in rooms through out the city. Majority of the items were described as being stable yet too fragile to move. Experts are assessing how to defuse the staggering diversity of devices. The deadliest item is a French Mustard gas shell from 1915 kept in a sealed glass cylinder. Tests are underway to ascertain if it is leaking.
Little is known about the members who are all ex civil servants. None have any military background. They had met weekly for decades at each other’s homes until old age made travel and care of their collection too difficult. They had then made the decision to notify the authorities.
The public has been urged to remain calm. Houses adjacent to the sites have been evacuated with a few people housed in the Ministry of Up Country Mango Cultivation hostel.
And if it took my saying so for you to realise that this story was a figment of my nutty mind, you clearly need to relax. Have a good weekend. (Dissociated Fake Press)