2 months without a post — a sure sign of the end. The only pathetic response is an “excuse post” such as this one. I never thought I would be so time poor. My previous “why I haven’t been blogging” excuses are lame by comparison. I used to have so much “free” time. Now I get about 2 hours in the day once the urgent, and the important is done. A primal need to rest pounces on those hours – to spend thought dead before the idiot box.
Sleep has become the last bottle of water in a vast desert. Not to be wasted on guilt inducing writing/painting/reading. Carefully preserved for the sole purpose of recovering from the day/the week in time for the next. Even the weekends have demands stronger than the tsunami tide (a hackneyed term on this blog by now but sacrifices must be made).
I have given up blogging while defecting. Writing has become a mental process. In the shower, at the red light. Moments of mental drift. Pile up a few words, into a nearly coherent sentence, then squirrel it away. For “later” – that magic era over the distant horizon when I will have the time and the mental peace to sit down and peck the keys. When that happens, the size of the Greek surplus will be enough to bail out the US.
The worst part of all this is the feeling that I’m letting this blog die. There’s also minor guilt of surrendering the secret goal of a thousand post (feels so 2008). Topping it off is the shame of feeling guilty about such trivial unproductive activities. One must have one’s priorities straight you know. I never have. I never wanted a bigger house, a better chariot or an iPad. My cloths continue be dictated unfashionably by comfort and the social conventions of being polite to people.
The previous paragraphs sound like words of whiner. The reality is they are consequences of choices based of primordial priorities. If there are any “sacrifices”, they are happily made.
This blog for the time being remains a monument to infrequency. I have too many words fermenting to abandoned it to the 7th age of blogging. Those words will have to stay plugged up in my head for a while. The voices in my head have accepted that they are subservient to an infinitely greater voice. It is the sweetest, most beautiful voice in the universe, summoning me with a single “thathaaaaa”. This blog I suppose will be one of the few things I hope to one day “leave” to that voice. But that’s another post.